As some of you Illini-ers know, Unofficial St. Patrick's Day (the day where green-clad students go out to the campus bars and get wasted on green beer at around 10am) is this Friday.
Anyway, everyone in my English 427 Class (Later 18th Century British Literature) usually gets a heads up on assignments via my professor's emails. Today, however, she included this note:
One other matter:
I have no reason to expect that anyone in 427 will celebrate the ersatz holiday on Friday in ways that interfere with the course. However, let me go on record: if anyone comes to class inebriated or--worse--brings inebriated friends to class, I will feel it my pedagogical duty to include among the course requirements a 3- to 4-page paper on the use of drunken-Irish stereotypes as a tool of English colonialist oppression in the eighteenth century and beyond.
This is why English 427 is my most favorite class.
pleasantly brought
to you by phillip retuta Monday, February 26, 2007 @
11:55 PM
Today, school (and when I say "school," I mean "college") was cancelled because of the snow. It's been snowing since last night, and now -- at 6pm -- it's still snowing. College kids, naturally, have been going crazy and loud, and they awoke me from my pleasant five-hour nap.
Anyway, because of the snow and tomorrow being Valentine's Day, here's an amusing conversation I had with Tim over AIM:
Me: all the crazy people are out. Tim: like the cat lady Me: kinda, except with fireworks. Me: it's just fucking snow, people... Tim: ah.. you mean lame Tim: crazy people aint so fuckin boring Me: haha. Tim: nice comic yesterday Tim: oh yeah except not Me: shut up. Me: i'm working on it now. Me: it took me longer than i expected. Me: so i'm gonna use it for friday instead. Tim: good thing you had a snow day Tim: did nothing cancel? Me: they did, but not before i went to class at 9am. Me: and was told that class was cancelled. Tim: that's rough man Me: it's alright. Me: i ended up taking the bus. Me: maybe i'll put up the comic today (with tomorrow's vday comice)? Me: as long as someone reads it. Tim: oh vday Me: and comments. Tim: loneliness and chocolate Me: i meant the comic that was meant for yesterday. Me: put that up in an hour or so. Me: and then tomorrow i'll put up the valentine's comic. Me: comments make me feel worthwhile. HINT. Tim: marry me Tim: HINT Me: babysit me. Tim: oh im downloading the new ted leo btw Me: nice. Tim: oh bittorrent.. you;ve ruined me Me: so, reader feedback: would you be satisfied if i put monday's comic on friday? Me: or today? Tim: I'll never be satisfied Tim: NEVER Me: ... Tim: just wait til friday at this point.. better to be regular Me: good, good. Me: i wish people would stop screaming outside. Me: with their fun and laughter and friends. Tim: haha Tim: its hard to masturbate when its 20 below Tim: you lonely creep Me: coincidentally, friday's punchline is about masturbation. Tim: nice Tim: i need a snow shovel Me: and another coincidence, rachel ray just appeared on tv, and the comic is about it. Me: use a bowl. Me: oh wait. Me: it's in my car, though. Me: i tried coming over saturday afternoon, but no one was at your place. Tim: yeah fuck you Me: haha. Tim: i guess the mailman came despite the snow Me: that's there motto. Tim: I got a vday card from my mother.. i think i'm going to kill myslef Me: HAHAHA. Me: that's an away message. Tim: it's always cold in siberia Me: black magic, darkness. Tim: do we need to have my aim name as well as the quote? Tim: does the whole world need to know my plight? Me: does it matter? Me: people can't make the association. Tim: no, not after I'm gone Tim: im having.. dark thoughts Me: darknesses! Tim: you know.. darkness.. night... things of the night Me: like to spend time in graveyardS? Tim: no.. i find the epitaphs too uplifting Me: HAHA.
pleasantly brought
to you by phillip retuta Tuesday, February 13, 2007 @
6:05 PM
I planned to do my laundry today, but there have been some unexpected events that may have otherwise soured my day.
As I was driving towards the laundromat, I noticed a weird sound coming from the bottom of my car. At first, I thought it was some snow packed onto my tires or that the road was full of gravel. Another thought that crossed my mind was that I ran over a hapless animal and was dragging it -- a crimson stream of blood and entrails painted over Green Street.
After I drove into the parking lot of the laundromat, I didn't see any dead squirrel carcass hanging from the bottom of my car. It was much worse. I had a flat tire.
I've seen tires get changed before, so I figured this would be an easy task to accomplish. It was also a way to demonstrate my manliness which, believe me, is waning ever since I baked erotic cupcakes for Christina's birthday (ever since then, I have been referred to as her almost token gay friend).
As luck would have it, I had everything but the tire iron to loosen the lug nuts; so I was stuck there, and the friends I called were either still asleep or did not have a tire iron. Ultimately, I called the AARP road assistance to come with a tire iron.
Of course, my initial goal for the day was to do my laundry. As I was waiting for AARP to come (which they said would take about 15 minutes), I had imagined I'd do my laundry. However, my dreams of finally having clean underwear after one month of having no wearable boxers were diminished once I realized that the laundry detergent I had kept in my car was, in fact, frozen. The irony, people.
I waited outside my car for about two hours -- my spare tire resting above my bumper and a jack and a hubcap by my side -- watching people give me curious looks. Not a single one bothered to help or even ask me what's wrong. People coldly came in, washed their clothes, and left without a word. Most of them appeared to be gelled-hair assholes, stuck-up daddy's girls, and suburban-trash -- which really doesn't put an end to their respective stereotypes.
As my faith in humanity dwindled, a kind guy who much resembled a bear or a shorter version of Zangief offered some help. Even though his wrench didn't fit my larger-than-life lug nuts, I was touched that someone in this busy, self-centered world was charitable enough to offer assistance. I offered my thanks and reassurance that AARP will come, and he left with genuine concern in his fuzzy face.
While I was waiting for AARP to come, I did manage to cut my nails, write an entire dialogue for a comic, defrost my laundry detergent with my car's heater, and listen to a lot of Belle & Sebastian. However, fed up with waiting for AARP, I called my friend Todd for help. With his moustache and sweatpants, he resembled the kind of uncle who'd come over on a Sunday morning and watch football. We replaced the tire, and the world was at peace.
AARP eventually called an hour later with an automated recording (three hours after initially calling them, mind you), asking if I received the help I needed. I hung up, all the while cursing them and the construction guy who had parked his van (undoubtedly full of wrenches) next to me, did his laundry, saw me, and left.
Thank you, Todd. I owe you a dinner. And thank you, Zangief. You have restored my faith in humanity.
pleasantly brought
to you by phillip retuta Sunday, February 11, 2007 @
3:17 PM
I am absolutely in love with the Phoenix-to-Chicago band, Skybox, and their CD, Arco Iris. They're playing a free show on February 26th at The Empty Bottle. Go there, because they're awesome.
And if you don't believe me, take a listen for yourself: Skybox - Arco Iris
My personal favorite is track 7, "It's a Bumpy Ride on the Back of a Camel."
pleasantly brought
to you by phillip retuta Saturday, February 10, 2007 @
2:10 PM
So yesterday was Super Bowl Sunday... Now, I've never been a fan of football in general (or any physical sport, for that matter; I have a phobia of exercise and competitive play), but -- as an admitted fair-weather fan born and raised in Illinois -- I was glad to see the Chicago Bears get to play in the Super Bowl. Conversely, I was kind of disappointed that they lost yesterday. Of course, their loss was like visiting a nursing home: it's depressing to visit and watch old people slowly drift into the cold and obscuring embrace of Death, but once you leave you don't really care anymore, and you're just happy that you get to go home and listen to Peter Bjorn and John. Simply put, you just get it out of your mind and move on with your life.
As a fair-weather fan, the small heartbreak of defeat was quickly washed away by Animal Planet's multiple showings of Puppy Bowl III. Honestly, you can't help but feel good when you see adorable puppies playing in a scaled football arena with toys and canned cheers in the background.
Some final thoughts: -Even though I never paid attention to the Bears prior to the Super Bowl, Rex Grossman does have that air of idiocy around him. I tell ya, pretty boys aren't the brightest star in the Solar System of Life. -Is it me, or did this year's commercials seem a tad too violent and/or depressing? Honest to God, watching an automotive-factory machine lose its job and kill itself put a real downer on my Puppy Bowl. -Quote of the night: "The Bears may have lost the game, but at least my son's still alive." --Tim, in regards to Tony Dungy's son.
Well, that's my football rant: puppies and suicide. Oh, and I have a new comic up.
pleasantly brought
to you by phillip retuta @
12:40 AM
I was watching a commercial about the Hover-Round, some mechanized scooter for the elderly and the invalid. Their slogan is, "You can do anything with a Hover-Round!™"
This got me thinking, how many of the elderly masturbate?
pleasantly brought
to you by phillip retuta Sunday, November 19, 2006 @
5:29 PM
Today, as I was walking to the library, I saw a girl wearing a t-shirt that says, "Cancer Sucks" in big orange letters. Fight cancer with humor, I always say; like Jerri Blank cried out once, "Cancer...? That's hilaaaaarious!"
pleasantly brought
to you by phillip retuta Monday, November 13, 2006 @
12:19 PM
yes, i am working on a new layout. yes, i will update more. yes, the older sections (ie the articles, old photos, and drunken voicemails) still exist -- just click on the archives. no, i will not eat green eggs and ham.
pleasantly brought
to you by phillip retuta Saturday, November 11, 2006 @
4:13 AM
pleasantly brought
to you by phillip retuta Tuesday, October 17, 2006 @
8:28 PM
everything here is property of phil. therefore, do not take and/or alter anything here without
written consent... he has a friend that's a lawyer and another who's VERY intimidating! if you want to use or request art,
please e-mail him! all non-original pictures, names,
and characters are property of their respective companies and people! this bitch is powered by blogger.
