I’ve noticed that a large portion of the web-blogging community has the tendency to post the most banal events that happen in their otherwise mundane lives. I am no exception.
Today, I lost my right contact. I was browsing through the website of Jake Angel and Oliver Chang, whom I will henceforth refer to as a single entity, "Joliver Changel." There I was, reading about Joliver Changel’s drunken exploits, and my right contact popped out of my eye. Call it an act of God or possibly even little, invisible elves trying to get into my brain through my right cornea, there was no reason why my contact would simply fall out.
At first, I figured that my contact fell on the floor, but unfortunately I was unable to find it. I figured having only one good eye didn’t help the search either, as a person’s depth perception is a bit skewed with only half correct vision. I then assumed that the contact was somewhere on my clothes, so I proceeded to strip down. There I was, naked and on my knees. Stuff a dollar down my ass, and I’d be your typical college-aged whore.
I gave up my search, removed my other contact, and wore my glasses. The sad thing is, my extra contacts are in my apartment in Urbana-Champaign, and I wasn’t motivated enough to drive 180 miles down Illinois for the sake of sheer vanity. Super models and Jeff would be stylistically superficial to go on such an endeavor for fashion, but I find it mildly inconvenient.
Now people say I look more handsome in glasses, but then I call them filthy fucking liars because it’s common knowledge that I am far from handsome. I’m like a gargoylish retard, so putting glasses on me only makes me appear like an intellectual gargoylish retard. So here I am, stuck in Chicago to wear glasses like some four-eyed fuck. I can go out in public without wearing my glasses, but then again I run risk of mowing some poor pedestrian with my car or walking into a window. Yup, my vision is that bad.
So if you see a dried up contact lying around, give me a holler. Otherwise, I can rightly blame Joliver Changel for the loss of my contact and knocking me a few pegs lower in the "fuckability" scale. Honestly, their site should have a warning label, "May cause contacts to pop out." It's just that good.
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4:46 PM
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I’ve noticed that a large portion of the web-blogging community has the tendency to post the most banal events that happen in their otherwise mundane lives. I am no exception.
