I just got my "invitation" thingy in the 'ole email so here I go:

*****A "word" of warning: I don't know how to write. Read with caution.*****

Newswire---

beep-beep-beep-beepbeepbeep-beep, This Just In:

Luther is still a douchebag.

And in other news, big-ass, crazy-ass, "I just accidentally married my sister"-ass Tim is growing a moustache. Also, this is important: a little friendly Indian kid named "Jeffrey Peterson" has gone missing for 10 months now. Please send donations to the "Find JP Fund" at 812 W. White St. Every penny counts. Word is that he is being held captive somewhere in Africa, and that his hair is now white.

This has been G.E. reporting for the I.F.

Seriously. Fake news is funny and entertaining, but real news isn't. Turn off your TVs and go read something. Cultivate a culture of reading instead of watching, to open other outlets of communication, so that our children do not have to experience the Death of Journalism as we are.

Coming in the next issue: A small fuzzy minx terrier named Philaphilapeno breaks the world record for most simultaneous AOL Instant Messenger accounts in use at the same time! And more, more more !!!