Yes, Phil finally came to his senses and brought me back. I know, I know, you've all missed me. Don't get so ecstatic that you cry! Thanks to those of you who helped convince Phil he needs me. He needs me like a diabetic needs his insulin, like a cat needs it's whiskers, like I need my fuck buddy. I mean, seriously, the site needed some help. One person can't keep up on posts alone. The site looks great, Phil, but you know it needs the occasional new attitude from a sassy girl such as myself. It's hard to believe, but women have opinions too.
Okay, my current update, for those who care. Being single still rocks completely. Living alone allows for many cranium/pictionary/nude twister and vodka parties. (Don't forget to douse twister board and players in vegetable oil before playing.) Sometimes I do get lonely though. That's when I bring home a coworker for some wicked fun. Just kidding! As far as school goes, well, I'm not attending a single final this semester. Straight Fs! Go me! I'm changing majors again and am transferring out away from Purdue again in August, so this semester has been a total waste, except for how much partying I've managed to get in. I've made several new friends and learned the capacity of my body with alcohol. It's much higher than it probably should be. Have no fear, though, I'm gradually making progress toward what I ultimately want to do. I want to be a "dental hygienist: the tooth-scraping witch from hell." (courtesy of a comedy central commercial) It's what I always wanted to do...after I spent my 5 years and 50,000 dollars screwing around.
So, on the dating scene, I've figured out the key to success. Hold all control in your hands! The more you relinquish, the more your life will suck. I recently met some fat guy at a bar who claimed to have invented "the clapper." I'm not quite convinced the guy could even spell his own name, let alone even invent something as simple as a piece of paper. So, I said "well, you must have all kinds of money then and wouldn't mind buying me a drink or two." He was just excited I talked to him. I charged Jager Bombs on his tab all night. I thought he was going to shit frisbees and spatulas when he got the bill. I took off, leaving him a fake name and number. Was this manipulative and wrong? Yes, but so is lying about having created an invention that was around long before you were even born. Maybe that'll teach him. If not, at least I learned an easy way to get free drinks.
Well, that is all you get for today, Kiddies! There are plenty of stories I could tell right now, but I don't want to overwhelm you.
pleasantly brought
to you by Anonymous Thursday, December 16, 2004 @
4:18 PM
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