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2005: I Hardly Knew Ye! (Or a Review in Music).

       Let's face it, 2005 was a complete suck-fuckfest for everybody -- minus the fucking, of course. If you, the reader, are still not convinced that the Apocalypse is approaching, need I remind you of the following signs: people were saddened that Bush was inaugurated as the world's most incompetent president two years running, the last of the great people -- like John Paul II, Rosa Parks, and Mitch Hedberg -- have passed, the Christian right caused an uproar over evolution and bulimic brain-dead people, and the most ironic song of the year was Katrina and the Waves' "I'm Walking on Sunshine."
       Personally, I'm glad this year is finally fucking over.
       Now if there's one saving grace to 2005, it's its phenomenal year in music. A lot of good bands sprung up from the woodwork, and many of my favorite recording artists returned to give the public something to smile about.
       Since the subject of music is always an interesting topic to touch upon, and each of my bastard friends stood me up on a poker game resulting in nothing for me to do but blog, I'm going to give you my list of 2005's top twenty albums. Typically, my friend Jeff would do this at the end of every year, but his internet presence has been sorely lacking these past few months -- which can either mean he's dead or has actually found a life outside this infernal interweb black-magic.

So without further adieu (or achoo), I present:

Phil's Top 20 Albums of 2005

	20) Architecture in Helsinki - In Case We Die If there's one thing I love, it's the Australians. Hailing from the land of koala bears and didgeridoos, Architecture in Helsinki's album is quirky and fun. Imagine a candy/toy-store full of young kids exploding in your ears, coating your ear drums with sweet, playful things -- that's what this album sounds like. Like Broken Social Scene or Belle & Sebastian, they're more of a collective than a band who, like their predecessors, brandish horns and offer a wide range of different -- albeit sometimes wacky -- vocals. Favorite Tracks: "Do the Whirlwind" "The Cemetery" "What's in Store?"
	19) Hot Hot Heat - Elevator If toys began to play instruments and started an indie rock band, you'd get Hot Hot Heat. The band's newest album, Elevator, isn't as ground-breaking as their debut, Makeup the Breakdown, but it's solid nonetheless. Like your traditional Hot Hot Heat music, the album still offers the clever hooks and lyrics that can heat up any cold cold coldness of a wet wet rainy day! Favorite Tracks: "Goodnight, Goodnight" "Middle of Nowhere" "Shame on You"
	18) Doves - Some Cities Hidden gems like Doves define modern-day Brit-Pop. Like any Doves album, the trio's newest album is grandiose and symphonic. They're like the overachievers in high school who take their English presentations a step too far -- not that it's a bad thing, in Doves' case! You can't go wrong with Some Cities; you'll find yourself dancing to the drumbeats and basslines in one track, crying in another, and then doing an African jungle jiggle on another. The different, often contrasting moods and tones in this album perfectly resemble a bipolar person. Favorite Tracks: "Some Cities" "Walk in Fire" "Shadows of Salford"
	17) Keren Ann - Nolita Young singer-songwriter Keren Ann combines dreamy New York pop with a sense of French noir, its resulting music the kind that pretentious foreign films play during the background of crazy-confusing yet important cafe scenes (think two people in berets smoking and drinking espressos as a solitary balloon bobs up and down in the air). Her music is consequently very relaxing and, in some ways, kind of heartbreaking. Even though I don't necessarily understand all the French words she's singing, her mellow and art-jazzy sound is great for a low-key night alone. Favorite Tracks: "Que N'ai-Je?" "Greatest You Can Find" "Chelsea Burns"
	16) Bloc Party - Silent Alarm When it comes to Brit-Pop, you never can really tell that the singer is British from their voice, and I for one am a huge fan of the English accent. With Bloc Party's lead singer, Kele Okereke, it's blatantly apparent that he hails from the UK. With Bloc Party's debut album, Silent Alarm, you can tell that these blokes (Bloke Party, anyone?) are a bunch of artsy fucks who reflect their creative personality onto their music -- just think a masculine, Brit-Pop Yeah Yeah Yeahs from London instead of NYC. Favorite Tracks: "Like Eating Glass "Banquet" "This Modern Love"
	15) Eisley - Room Noises Listening to Eisley is like reading a fairytale; fairies and happy unicorns seem to emit from my speakers, and I'm not even on any sort of drug! It's best to describe their music as old skewl Weezer-esque with a tinge of whimsy and magic. Their pure and playful sound is partially explained by the fact that one of their lead singers is under the age of 17 (in the video for "Marvelous Things", released in 2003, I thought she was at least 19). I had the pleasure of seeing them in concert and even meeting the bassist, and they're a good, wholesome family of musicians... both metaphorically and literally! Their female/sisterly duets are indeed entrancing. I've listened to their EP a few years back (most of which are on Room Noises), and I'm really glad they officially released a full-length album. Favorite Tracks: "Telescope Eyes" "Marvelous Things" "Just Like We Do"
	14) The Decemberists - Picaresque While Eisley sounds like a fantastic story, The Decemberists tell a fantastic story. Each track on Picaresque is essentially its own complete narrative, as told by the nasally Colin Maloy. From watching a kid being tackled in a field, to the asshole attitude of America, to a vengeful sailor being trapped in a whale with his estranged father, The Decemberists' latest album is a real pleasure to listen, to especially if you like organs and accordions. They really like the organs and the accordions. Favorite Tracks: "Infanta" "Sixteen Military Wives" "On the Bus Mall"
	13) M83 - Before the Dawn Heals Us If the year was 1975 and the very stars and heavens discovered and began to play electronica music, you'd get M83's Before the Dawn Heals Us. M83's latest album is very atmospheric with a sense of retrospection in each track. In contrast, however, there's a definite 70's-ish mood that melts with the synthesizers and keyboards of today's electronica. Combine all that with some spoken prose and natural sound effects, you get a very solid record. Favorite Tracks: "Don't Save Us From The Flames" "Teen Angst" "Car Chase Terror"
	12) Coldplay - X&Y I loved Coldplay long before A Rush of Blood to the Head, before Chris Martin became Mr. Paltrow, or even before they were recognized as the "new U2." If anything, I hope they don't become what U2 is now: self-righteous, self-absorbed, and too-saintly-for-their-own-good bastard bastwiches; old skewl U2 is where it's at. Although pretentious, also self-absorbed indie hipsters now hate Coldplay for their growing popularity (look at Weezer as another example), I find this album to be pretty good. Sure, it's not as phenomenal as Parachutes or as dark and introspective as A Rush of Blood, but X&Y is a solid Coldplay album nonetheless -- and if it's from Coldplay, you know it's gonna be pretty sweet. Favorite Tracks: "Fix You" "Swallowed in the Sea" "'Til Kingdom Come"
	11) The New Pornographers - Twin Cinema The New Pornographers' latest album will make you want to jump onto your bed, rock your head back and forth, and dance like you want to win. On select tracks, however, you kind of want to lie down on that said bed, stare up onto the ceiling, and let out a sigh of sympathy. The fusion between pop rock and bittersweet emo-esque music makes Twin Cinema a jigga-great album to listen to. The combined talents of the nasally AC Newman and the Nico (or perhaps Neko?)-sounding Neko Case makes this record even more enjoyable. Favorite Tracks: "Use It" "The Bleeding Heart Show" "Sing Me Spanish Techno"
	10) Sufjan Stevens - Illinois Sufjan is the indie crowd's current media darling. With his girlfriend-stealing good looks, his soft and angelic voice, and his lifelong project to create an album for every state of America, it's no wonder why everybody loves him. Sufjan's Illinois seems to be on the top of everyone's list, but I -- being born and bred in Illinois -- am not totally blown away like everyone else. Don't get me wrong; the album is very good. The tracks seem to range from the grand and epic to the simple and folksy. Furthermore, Sufjan takes every famous (and in some cases, infamous) aspect of my state and produces a cohesive, eloquent record. I just have one question, however: where's the song about my hometown, Glendale Heights?! Favorite Tracks: "John Wayne Gacy Jr." "Jacksonville" "Chicago"
	9) The Spinto Band - Nice and Nicely Done If Hot Hot Heat and Weezer got drunk one night, had sex without birth control, and subsequently produced a lovechild, you'd get The Spinto Band: their hooks and rhythms are quirky and very geek-rockish. Combining falsetto vocals with lyrics that include the likes of watching TV or playing Atari during sex, The Spinto Band's debut album is ideal for the lazy nerd who'd rather listen to music than find a girlfriend. And if there's one thing I love about this record more than anything, it's that they mention the WB in the track "Oh Mandy"! And that, my fine, fickle friends, is 'nuff said! Favorite Tracks: "Oh Mandy" "Late" "Japan is an Island"
	8) The Go! Team - Thunder, Lightning, Strike Lo-Fi guitars and drums, elementary school recorders, and 70's funk and soul is an infallible combination. And although The Go! Team's Thunder, Lightning, Strike was rereleased from its 2004 debut, I can't help but include it in this year's list; the British band is far too cool to ignore. If you're looking for a funkier, more urban Postal Service, The Go! Team is sure to not disappoint. Favorite Tracks: "Ladyflash" "Get It Together" "Huddle Formation"
	7) Gorillaz - Demon Days After such critically-acclaimed debut albums, a band's sophomore record tends to be lackluster in comparison. Gorillaz' Demon Days, however, is just as hip and cool as their first. Believe it or not, their newest album is a lot darker than anything they've recorded, if not a little more political. Take, for instance, the track "Fire Coming Out of a Monkey's Head": despite that it's a spoken verse song narrated by the great Dennis Hopper, there are definite anti-Bush undertones and metaphors placed with each lyric. Overall, despite the presence of Dan the Automater, Miho Hatori, or Del Tha Funkee Homosapien in this record, Demon Days is a great followup. More zombies and more monkeys and more evil = more fun! Favorite Tracks: "Last Living Souls" "DARE" "Don't Get Lost In Heaven/Demon Days"
	6) Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - Clap Your Hands Say Yeah Now, if Hot Hot Heat got drunk and decided to cheat on Weezer with Interpol, and they had a lovechild as well, you'd get Clap Your Hands Say Yeah: CYHSY combine the quirkiness of Hot Hot Heat with the New York sensibility of Interpol. Like their half-brother The Spinto Band, Clap Your Hands like to utilize falsetto vocals in their songs, yet -- in contrast -- are a bit more serious in their lyrics. Their debut album is definitely rock-out worthy, and you'll find yourself dancing to their slick rhythm and beats. I did, and I must say I most certainly clapped my hands and said "Yeah!" on more than one occasion. Favorite Tracks: "Let The Cool Goddess Rust Away" "The Skin of My Yellow Country Teeth" "Details of the War"
	5) ...Trail of Dead - Worlds Apart If you think Clap Your Hands Say Yeah had a long-ass name, try And You Will Know Us By The Trail of Dead. Thank God for the invention of the ellipses... (hey, and there they are!) Trail of Dead's new album is as good as their last one, Source Tags and Codes, and I often confuse them. Now, if you don't like hard-rocking guitar riffs and screaming vocals that run rampant in this loud-as-hell record, then perhaps the frequent use of violins, a grand orchestra, and deep, insightful lyrics will persuade you otherwise. There's a definite theme in Worlds Apart, and listening to this awesome album is equivalent to looking at a genuine piece of art. Favorite Tracks: "Worlds Apart" "And the Rest Will Follow" "Caterwaul"
	4) Spoon - Gimme Fiction Unlike Spoon's Kill the Moonlight, Gimme Fiction is a lot less experimental and returns to the jazzy, lo-fi sound of Girls Can Tell and A Series of Sneaks; it's classic Spoon. If I can describe the album in any scenario, it'd be this: I'm walking down a street, minding my own business, then all of a sudden Spoon, dressed in dark clothes, surprises me and tries to make me sad or creepy or snazzy. The album, like Keren Ann's Nolita, is a perfect record to play when you just want a night to be by yourself. Favorite Tracks: "The Beast and Dragon, Adored" "Sister Jack" "I Summon You"
	3) Death Cab For Cutie - Plans Honest to God, is there anything that Ben Gibbard can't do right? If he were to run for president, the awkward and artsy masses would vote him into office. Although Plans was released through a major label (coincidentally, after frequent plugs and endorsements on The OC -- blargh), their music remains fresh and mightily awesome. Surprisingly, the record sounds less poppy than most of the tracks on their last album, Transatlanticism, and DCFC seem to go back to the roots of their critically-acclaimed 2001 The Photo Album. Now I find the overall record to be pretty damn depressing, but in an insightful, I'm-not-going-to-kill-myself way. Despite its heavy tone, however, you can't go wrong with this album -- or Death Cab For Cutie, for that matter. Lastly, if Ben Gibbard offered to have sex with me, I'd gladly accept on the sole condition that he sings while we do it. Favorite Tracks: "Marching Bands of Manhattan" "I Will Follow You Into the Dark" "What Sarah Said"
	2) Stars - Set Yourself on Fire Listening to Stars is like listening to musical sex, or, if you will, watching erotic musical porn. The chemistry between lead singers Torquil Campbell and Amy Millan is simply perfect, ultimately creating an extraordinarily beautiful balance in all of their duets. Torq thrusts his soft-spoken voice into each elegant melody, while Amy retorts with an angelic burst of harmonies that makes any listener quiver with sheer delight. Yes, like this review, the combination of their male and female vox is very pornographic (but in a "I love you, let's consummate our relationship" not "Hey, you're drunk, I'm drunk; let's fuck" sort of way). Set Yourself on Fire is a romantic album indeed, but instead of focusing on love and hearts and all things pink and laced, the band tends to delve in the heartbroken and life after a relationship has ended -- yet, despite its rather stoic and regretful nature, it's a fucking beautiful album that will lighten up your life a little bit! Favorite Tracks: "Your Ex-Lover is Dead" "Set Yourself on Fire" "One More Night"
	1) Broken Social Scene - Broken Social Scene Broken Social Scene, Broken Social Scene, Broken Social Scene... oh, you have made it to the top of my list and to the center of my heart! After listening to their 2002 record, You Forgot It In People, I couldn't wait for their 2005 self-titled album. While YFIIP definitely had a teenage angst/innocent feel to it, Broken Social Scene has a harder, more mature tone; sex, hedonism, and anger are inherent subjects on the record, each theme littered with profanity, driving guitar riffs, amazing drum solos, and fantastic orchestra instruments. In this album, BSS relies more on horns, guitars, and vocals than synthesizers and mixers than their previous stuff. They are indeed a cohesive ensemble whose vocal and instrumental talents include members of Metric, Stars, Feist, and Jason Collett; it's like listening to an RPG game whose cast of characters are simply interchangeable. When I heard that famous Canadian rapper, k-OS, was going to make a cameo, I was a little surprised. Miffed, even, since I'm not a big fan of most hip hop. However, after listening to his contribution on the track "Windsurfing Nation," I found that his presence was completely logical and consistent with the tone of the song and the overall collective aspect of the band. While Stars (who happen to be members as well) was like musical sex between two people, the female vocals of Feist, Amy Millan, and Emily Haines in several of the record's tracks were like an insane, musical Roman orgy. Yes, Broken Social Scene's music has a definite coherent insanity, and your ears will eventually learn to accept it. Overall, Broken Social Scene and their newest album is the flagship for both all things indie and modern Canadian rock. They've not only made the list of my favorite album of 2005, but also as one of my favorite bands of all time. Favorite Tracks: "Ibi Dreams of Pavement (Better Days)" "Swimmers" "Superconnected"
Honorable mention: The following are albums that range from "Good Enough To Listen To But Not As Awesome As My Top Twenty" or "I Have Listened To A Few Select Tracks And Cannot Make A Full Critique On The Album Just Quite Yet": Alkaline Trio - Crimson Beck - Guero Bright Eyes - I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning/Digital Ash in a Digital Urn Feist - Let It Die Final Fantasy - Has a Good Home The Magic Numbers - The Magic Numbers Metric - Live It Out My Morning Jacket - Z The White Stripes - Get Behind Me Satan Well, that's it. Hope everyone had a happy New Year!